Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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