dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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