Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
that is very illegal...i love you.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Come on in and take your pants off
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