make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
