we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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