Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
