And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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