what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
