Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
