K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
