I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
