Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
