Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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