Will you blow on my dice?
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
