Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
