babies were throwing up all over the place
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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