I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize