this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize