yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
