Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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