Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize