so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
