My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
