I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
