Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
