Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize