Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
