It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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