You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
