worst night to have a conscience
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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