her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
