FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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