i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
