OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
