I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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