She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize