It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
