so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Randomize
