end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
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