He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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