You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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