it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
from now on my penis is your penis
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
