my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
