Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
