awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
