thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You're completely useless in the revolution.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
