I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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