Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize