he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
