Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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