dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize