buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
