i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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