Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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