if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
