How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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