My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
