nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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