No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
