Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
