My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
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