I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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